Keep Talking

Keep Talking

The tongue has the power of life and death

Proverbs 18:21

To call ‘silence’ communication, is a contradiction in terms. But we all know that in a relationship context, a silence is often saying something. You know how it goes … the silence is screaming at you, ‘there is something wrong’. So, you ask, ‘what’s wrong?’ Only to be told, ‘nothing’!

What comes next is where the ‘weed’ of silence begins to damage a relationship. In the void created by the silence, conspiracy theories are incubated, fear takes root and insecurities deepen. You ‘think’ you know what’s wrong, but could be wrong and in the silence, your wrong conclusion festers, grows and slowly chokes the relationship.

Remember, relationships are like soil; they need to be cultivated and kept free from weeds. And that’s why we must never let the ‘weed’ of silence take root in our relationship soil.

Keep it at bay by developing good communication skills, which includes speaking, listening, body language, expression and touch, but always with the aim of being properly understood.  

Sadly, some of us have simply never learned how to talk or open up to other people and remain fearful of exposing what we think or feel for fear of being hurt or rejected. Some even have such a low self-image that they simply don’t believe they have anything to offer, so stay silent.

So, try and ensure your communication is always:

  • CLEAR: Use clear language, ask questions to clarify things and allow time for each other to process the words spoken. Never use hints, they are easily misunderstood or missed altogether. Say what you mean and work hard to say it in the way you want it to be received.
  • CONTROLLED: You will never communicate properly when emotions are out of control. So, pick your moment. Create space to talk when you are calm, there is time to explain things properly and when things have less chance of coming across wrongly.
  • CONSTRUCTIVE: Communicate positively by focussing on the good things about the other person. Don’t focus on the negative qualities but be constructive even if you are dealing with a negative situation.

Your tongue has ‘the power of life or death’ (Proverbs 18:21) so use it to bring life to your relationships.




Stephen Matthew is a gifted Bible teacher, author and committed church-builder with over 40 years of experience in Christian ministry.